We develop cruelty in ourselves. How to develop a strong character How to be tough

Every person dreams of being happy and successful, while being afraid to face human cruelty and betrayal. Many parents tell their children that they need to be kind and sympathetic, that a friend is a friend in need, and that loved ones must be treasured.

Undoubtedly, such attitudes have a right to exist, but you should not always rely solely on goodwill. Sometimes a good attitude and openness can be seen as weakness. In a world where people are driven by determination and a thirst for success, sometimes you have to be tough, and at times even cruel.

But how can you become an unshakable monolith if by nature you are a soft and perhaps even weak-willed person?

If the phrase “tough person” comes up in a conversation, then many begin to draw an image of an intolerant person who looks with disdain at the weakness of others. In fact, toughness can be called a reflection of a person’s strongest character traits, including perseverance, will and self-control.

Tough people tend to be leaders by nature. Moreover, it is worth considering that this character trait is not innate, it is formed under the influence of various external factors, often difficult life situations.

Rigidity can essentially be called the ability to remain steadfast even when external or internal stimuli for a long time do not provide the opportunity to relax.

Internal irritants include personal weaknesses and desires, and external irritants include insults, neglect and resentment caused by other people.

A tough person is characterized by the following behavior:

The ability to quickly navigate difficult life situations and find the most optimal solution to a problem.
The ability to defend your point of view on any important issue.
The ability to protect yourself and your loved ones in critical situations, often without the use of physical force.
High level of discipline, punctuality and willingness to take responsibility for words and actions.

The above character traits become the basis for the formation of an internal core, which often manifests itself in the form of rigidity, which can be very useful in situations such as:

Conflicts with colleagues in the work environment.
Stressful and force majeure incidents.
Disputes and discussions that require defending your opinion.
As a means of defense against opponent's aggression.

However, you should not think that rigidity is an exclusively positive feature. Such people also have certain disadvantages, for example:

Emotional stinginess. It can be quite difficult for tough people to express intense joy or grief. For them, such vivid emotions are a sign of weakness that they cannot afford. They are used to controlling themselves professional activity, and in Everyday life, and increased emotionality for them is an indicator of loss of control.
Tendency to self-centeredness. Over time, tough people begin to prioritize only their needs, believing that their desires and opinions are above all.
Intolerance. A tough person is critical of himself and his environment. He does not accept weakness and mistakes. Democracy and tolerance are alien to him. If a tough person demands the maximum from himself, then he will also set higher standards for others.
Trouble building romantic and friendship relationships. Intolerance and the inability to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of others almost always become a tangible problem in creating social connections of one degree or another. No love can guarantee that a year later a tough person will not begin to reproach his soulmate for her bad habits or lack of ambition.

Why is it sometimes worth being tough?

As mentioned above, rigidity is most often formed under the influence of external factors. This quality is in great demand in cases where it is necessary to focus on solving a problem, casting aside worries and possible doubts. This personality trait can become entrenched under the condition of predisposing factors, for example: demandingness, high organization, responsibility, straightforwardness and a tendency towards perfectionism.

Rigidity as a character trait is urgently needed for people holding leadership positions in any business sector. Such a boss will be an ideal leader for a work team, since he can optimally organize the work process and discipline his employees. Under the leadership of a tough boss, subordinates clearly know their responsibilities and strengths, understanding that you should not count on groundless concessions.

If we talk about toughness of character as a sought-after trait in everyday life, its benefits are especially noticeable in critical situations. If a person has difficulties at work or financial problems, then it is internal rigidity and composure that helps to pull oneself together and begin to look for a way out of the current situation.

In the process of raising the younger generation, parents often have to show firmness, and sometimes even harshness, especially in cases where it is necessary to establish certain rules and restrictions, for example, for a teenager.

How to stop being soft and strengthen your character

It makes no sense to deny the benefits of tough behavior, but not every person is able to develop this trait. Many representatives of society are distinguished by softness and compliance, which can serve poorly in situations that require the ability to defend one’s point of view and make the right decisions.

In order to achieve real success in developing internal rigidity, you should pay attention to the recommendations of specialists.

Awareness of the need. Before you begin to develop strength of character, you need to clearly accept the fact that natural meekness is the cause of many different problems in everyday life. A great way to weigh the pros and cons is to list in writing all the possible consequences. For example: “Colleagues are accustomed to using my reliability to solve the most unpleasant tasks.”

An example to follow. When working on yourself, it won’t hurt to have before your eyes an example of a person who fully corresponds to the concept of a standard. Perhaps among your friends there is a person who successfully combines all the desired traits. Pay attention to his manner of keeping himself in company, facial expressions and vocabulary. But be sure to remember that each character is a unique and very complex combination of various traits, the thoughtless copying of which can lead you to lose yourself.
Gradual changes. Don't think that you can turn into a completely different person in a matter of days. In fact, the entire process of forming rigidity can take more than one month. Take your time, start small and over time you will achieve significant results. Otherwise, those around you may consider your changes to be some kind of whim that they should simply endure, or they will begin to actively try to return you to the “true path.”
The art of refusing. Learn to say a calm and firm “no” to people. This skill can be called one of the main signs of a strong character. If your colleagues are used to chasing you around with small errands or turning to you for help, knowing that you never refuse anyone, then be prepared to disappoint them. Your attempts to stop being a “pack horse” will only cause reproachful glances and pursed lips from them. But don’t even think about giving up and backing down. Don’t show weakness and remember why you started all this in the first place.
Working on gaze and gestures. Everyone knows very well that a tough person can be distinguished even in a noisy, noisy crowd. He is given away by his behavior, namely, verbal and non-verbal signs. The gaze should be direct and confident, the posture should always be straight, the gestures should be rather stingy. Special attention It’s worth paying attention to the intonation of your voice. A confident person always has an even and calm voice. A tough person is distinguished by the ability to eloquently remain silent. With his entire appearance, he can show his attitude to a particular situation; he does not need to raise his voice to defend his position.
Sports activities. Sport helps achieve amazing and sometimes stunning results in character building. And it doesn’t matter what kind of sport you are going to do. Regular exercise will not only help you improve your fitness, but will also become the basis on which discipline and determination will subsequently develop. The right motivation and positive changes in appearance will significantly increase your self-confidence.

It would seem, why be a tough person? And wouldn’t it be better to strive for the world to be governed by compassion and kindness? Yes, of course, in most situations that we encounter in life, it is necessary to show warmth and provide assistance, but sometimes it is simply necessary to be tough. The fact is that trouble-free people very soon begin to be used and manipulated. In this article we will tell you how to become tougher for kind and gentle natures.

Self-esteem

Perhaps the first quality that needs to be developed by a person who wants to learn to say “no” sometimes is self-respect. Only a person who respects himself can put his own interests above the interests of others. But how to develop self-esteem? Actually, it's not that difficult. You need to find or create reasons for which you can respect yourself - start playing sports, read more, learn new languages, etc.

Ability to defend your point of view

It is not enough to have your own point of view, it is also important to be able to defend it, otherwise everyone will be able to ultimately prove to you that their interests are much more priority than your own. You need to understand that sometimes you can answer a person “no” without going into lengthy excuses and explanations. Remember once and for all - you have every right to manage your life. Always remember this when someone asks you to explain why you cannot help.

Don't change your mind!

It is very important to stick to your point of view, otherwise everyone will know that you can be “pushed through.” If you said “no”, it means a decisive and irrevocable no. You are an individual, and you have your own rules and interests that cannot be changed, otherwise you will lose the first and most important point - “Self-respect”, because how can you respect a person who says one thing today and another tomorrow?

We hope these simple tips will help you toughen up and teach you to say no when necessary.

Decide

Before you can develop a strong character, you need to clearly understand what pathological meekness leads to in your life. List, best out loud or in writing, exactly what consequences it leads to. For example: “Colleagues dump all the “dirty” work on me, I stay in the office until late”; “The neighbor, despite requests, continues to listen to hard rock until the morning - I don’t get enough sleep”; “The children don’t see me as an authority.”

Only by making a firm decision to change something can you achieve results. In addition, those around you will immediately feel your inner confidence. If a person himself does not understand why he needs to change and whether he wants it, any attempts to defend his territory look feigned, as if a bad actor is playing the role of Rambo.

It is optimal to enlist the support of people you trust: ask for feedback - find out where exactly, in the opinion of your loved ones, weakness is manifested, and make a promise to be stronger. It’s one thing to deceive yourself, and quite another to fall on your face in front of someone close.

Have someone to look up to

When changing your character, it is always useful to take note of the experience of the person you consider a standard. It could be one of the parents, a friend, a coach, or even a character from a movie - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that in a difficult situation you have the opportunity to ask yourself: “What would dad/Kolya/Ivan Petrovich/James Bond do?” Pay attention to the behavior, reactions, vocabulary and facial expressions of the characters you like.

You just need to remember that each character is a complex combination of different traits, and when trying to be like someone, it is important not to adopt all his shortcomings at the same time and not lose yourself.

Don't underestimate yourself, and don't overestimate yourself either.

Sometimes people are biased in assessing their ability to stand up for themselves and their loved ones. For example, a common fear among expectant mothers is the fear of not being able to defend the interests of their child in an unfair world. It’s amazing what kind of assertive tigresses these timid women sometimes turn into when the baby is born.

It also happens the other way around: it seems to a person that he is quite tough and successfully defends his boundaries. But there may be someone in his life who does not see these boundaries point blank. Usually this is someone whose attitude is very warm: a loved one, a parent, a child. Unconditional love– the best thing in the world; but manipulating a good attitude and twisting ropes is a completely different matter.

Change gradually

To prevent others from thinking that you are not you at all, but your evil double from parallel space, you do not need to make sudden movements: today you are afraid to refuse even a spam letter, and tomorrow you are afraid to threaten an intrusive seller.

To develop strong character, you need to be consistent, but change gradually. Start with small things.

For example, if your boss is exploiting you, today you can gently explain to him that you cannot run to the store for an energy bar, tomorrow refuse to work at night, the day after tomorrow - late in the evening, in a week show strength of character by saying that you will not come to the office on Sunday, because you have other plans. And then the boss will let you go on vacation not in February, but at least in May.

Or vice versa: if an overly soft person magically takes the leadership position, his subordinates often push him around. To stop this, you need to act step by step: today, insist that the employee leave the social network and redo the work himself, and not be satisfied with the usual: “I tried my best!” Tomorrow, if caught in an irresponsible attitude, remind about disciplinary measures. And then, if this does not work, these measures may have to be applied.

Of course, everywhere you need to know when to stop and understand the price of the issue: if the boss is a tyrant, and this is the job you really need, it’s better to experiment with someone else. And return to your relationship with your boss, spreading your wings and gaining self-confidence.

Look at the faces

It is quite possible that not everyone can see a person as tougher.

If the employees are “on their head”, but the family appreciates and supports, then there is no need to change in relation to the children and significant other.
If one friend gets into the habit of regularly calling at night and asking you to pick him up drunk and without money from another bar, and the second one respects your time and nerves, it’s obvious which relationship needs “tuning.”
If one neighbor considers it normal to borrow money and forget to pay it back, and the second is in a hurry to repay the debt as soon as he receives his salary, then there is no reason for an honest person to be held accountable for the disregard of a cunning person.

In a word, there is no need to cut everyone with the same brush.

Refusal is not an insult

The ability to calmly but firmly tell people “no” is a quality of a strong character.

But if you are used to agreeing with everyone, without even listening to the end of the request, again, you need to start gradually. For example, a colleague regularly asks you to do a report for him, citing personal circumstances, you agree, and on Friday evening, when he is already buying his circumstances a drink at the club, pore over the papers. The next time a request comes in, first take a time out - say that you will give an answer later, in an hour. Don’t give up when you see a change of emotions on your counterpart’s face - surprise, and then reproach.

During the gained time, do a little auto-training - remember that you decided to become more firm, why you need it (for example, play with a child, cook borscht, take a girl to the cinema, just get some sleep, finally).

Take courage and answer that this time you cannot fulfill the request, since you have a lot of your own work and plans at home.

You should not become a victim of someone else's irresponsibility.

Comfort zone

Get out—or rather, “pull yourself by the ears”—out of your comfort zone, despite the fear.
By hiding in the shell, we doom ourselves to miss the interesting things that happen in life.

If a person wants to become more confident and stronger, it is important for him to start doing things that are unusual and difficult.

For example, you are invited to a party, but you know that there will be a person there who makes fun of you. The first impulse is to stay at home and quietly get angry at the scoundrel. You need to overcome it and meet difficulties halfway. This is the only way to defeat them. Of course, it’s worth preparing: remembering what exactly the offender is laughing at and coming up with witty answers. But at the same time, it is important not to go on a visit with one goal - to fight back. This attitude can be felt, but what if the person reconsidered his behavior? You need to go to a party with the goal of having fun, but have a backup plan in case of a psychological attack.

Or, suppose you are afraid to express your opinion - in a company or at a meeting. Especially in the presence of an authoritative person whose views differ from yours. We need to understand once and for all: a person has freedom of choice and the honor of having an opinion different from those around him. You have every right to say out loud what you're thinking, even if it's an unusual decision.

Insecure people often remain silent, afraid of falling into someone's disfavor or making a mistake, although they have something to offer, and because of this they lose laurels.

Of course, as the unforgettable Mark Twain said: “It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to open your mouth and dispel all doubts.”

But if the idea is really good, don't deprive the world of the chance to consider it. Just say it out loud and wait for a reaction. Didn't it work out? Don't give up, wait for the next opportunity. Happened? Accept congratulations and mentally shake your own hand.

Do it before you get scared

Often, in order to do something decisive, you don’t need to wait until you realize what it is fraught with - you need to get ahead of the fear. For example, if a girl is afraid to talk to a guy she likes, you can set yourself up: “The next time we meet, I’ll start a conversation before I imagine that he rejected me, and everyone is laughing at me.” Jump into the pool headfirst - and come what may, in the end, if you continue to play the silent game, there will probably be nothing. Of course, you need to prepare for any decisive step: come up with topics, arguments, reasons.

Looks, gestures, voice - a mirror of character strength

Strong people are easy to spot in a crowd - they are identified by non-verbal and verbal signs.

The gaze is direct. Shifty or downcast eyes are the worst enemy of an insecure person. By defending your position, you do not offend the interests of others, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and you have every right to confidently look into the eyes of your interlocutor.
When defending your boundaries, psychological or physical, you need to watch your posture and gestures. The hunched back of a person who is not slouched indicates that he wants to “surrender” and not fight; By fiddling with objects in our hands or wringing our fingers, we reveal our discomfort.
The voice is no less important. A confident person is calm and even. But the one who is just learning to be firm either rustles and doesn’t speak, or breaks down into hysterical notes.

Strength of character is not a loud cry or a heavy fist. A strong man is silent more eloquently than a weak man shouts.
All these nuances need to be worked out - there is no other way. The best assistants are a mirror, a camera, a voice recorder. Seeing yourself from the outside, you can be taken aback by your own absurdity. Then the desire to change will be stronger.

Sport as a means

Sports can achieve amazing results in character building. And it doesn’t matter which one - the gym, martial arts, team games... Even if you’ve never done this, it’s time to pull yourself together, think about which training option is most acceptable, and take yourself to the gym. If you are lucky enough to find a section with a good trainer, this is generally a goldmine: the trainer not only monitors the correct execution of exercises and the volume of loads, he helps to shape the mood and change – externally and internally.

Once you become physically stronger, it is much easier to build inner strength.

What is too much is not healthy

Having achieved certain successes on the path of character development, it is very important to stop in time. You shouldn’t go to extremes and follow the example of the main character of the acclaimed series “Breaking Bad”. Often, if a person allows others to trample on his own dignity for a long time and is fed up with this, he simply breaks loose. And after some time, having scared everyone away from him and being left in splendid isolation, he asks the question: how can I become softer now?.. Not allowing yourself to be manipulated is reasonable; but what to do if now no one wants to get involved with the person? Determination should not eradicate goodwill, empathy, positivity, and the ability to show flexibility where it is needed. It’s very easy to go too far – especially with close people.

Frequently asked questions and answers

How to become softer in character?

Get along with yourself, as a joyful person will not look for reasons for irritation and sadness. Practical advice: quickly “disconnect” from the grievances you have received, make a list of what you want to change in yourself, write down bad moments and then analyze why they upset you and whether you could have reacted differently, find a “role model”, control yourself when expressing bad ones emotions, pamper your heart with pleasant things - music, books, hobbies.

How to become harsh?

The best interpretation of severity is a balance between love and justice. This is a long work on one’s inner self in order to be able to understand situations, where and how to act according to the highest justice, strengthening the will in acceptable ways, “training” one’s weaknesses and vices. It is also worth paying attention to appearance - facial features and posture, because body language can say something about us that is not at all what we want.

How to become brutal?

Correct brutality is inner fullness, wrapped in a “candy wrapper” of excellent physical shape and stylish appearance. Train responsibility, even in every little thing, and self-confidence, “feed” intelligence and ambition, be individual and a little mysterious, constantly challenge yourself, strive to be the best, respect others, but do not tolerate humiliation, be reliable, honest, imitate “ examples of courage."

When should you be tougher?

Rigidity is certain demands on the environment. It is appropriate when it is necessary to protect the honor and status of oneself and loved ones, when there is no discipline, something extraordinary needs to be stopped, if they are trying to manipulate and use for their own purposes, when psychological pressure occurs, in any situations where blatant injustice and humiliation reign. There is also toughness for good, when it is necessary to push a person to an important decision.

How to become ruthless?

The reasons for this behavior lie in a person’s lifestyle and experiences. To achieve results, you need to emotionally close yourself off, stop compassion, control good experiences, stop loving, admiring something, making friends, constantly obsessively looking for reasons for hatred and negative emotions, and reacting to everything that happens with anger and aggression.

How to be arrogant?

In a situation where you need to achieve something, imagine that you have put a “mask of arrogance” on your face - try to push aside tact, awkwardness, humanity, showing unwavering persistence. Rehearse often, but be careful - this behavior does not inspire sympathy.

I'm tough, what should I do?

There are two options - leave everything as it is, if you feel comfortable with it, or change something. If you are trying to eradicate rigidity, pay attention to why you became that way and try to solve the problem. Loving someone (even a dog) will melt an icy heart. Self-love and working on mistakes will make you reconsider your outlook on life. And also - constantly force yourself to pay attention to the good, develop empathy, control aggression and negativity, and be able to relax while doing something pleasant.

Strong character, what is he like?

How to become a greyhound?

You need to adhere to several rules: don’t fuss, add a little arrogance, be completely confident in yourself, harmonize your inner state and body language so that it looks relaxed, know the rules and break them. Important - greyhound is not always appropriate.

How to become a cold person?

Less smiles (or with a bit of contempt), an icy distant, slightly detached look, less emotional, controlled movements, a flat, distant tone of voice, minimize stories about yourself and questions to others, so as not to show curiosity. Inner work: throw away morality, be prepared to offend (but maintain dignity), be tough everywhere, practicality, sharp criticism and too much realism are the middle name, do not help, do not trust and do not sympathize, constantly tune in to negativity and indifference.

How to become a cocky guy?

To be daring means to be able to attract people, to stand out in the gray mass, and should not be confused with rudeness. Work on yourself: add soft swagger to your behavior, practice answering quickly, a little sarcasticly, but with a kind smile, love yourself - be energetic, funny, sparkling, cheerful, enthusiastic, rejoice even at a stain on your T-shirt and turn it into a holiday, focus on in your presence, say what you think, challenge yourself in the most unexpected ways.

How to become strict?

It is enough to start firmly saying “no”, to act fairly, not to bend to the wishes of others, to listen to yourself, to be self-possessed, principled and “in a good way” stubborn.

How to be bolder?

You need to increase your self-confidence through training, endurance and perseverance exercises, and neutralize the factors that humiliate you. Widen your range of interests and hobbies, change your wardrobe to a more noticeable and emphatic one, learn at least the basics oratory. Practice adding a little irony and persistence to your speech.

How to stop being rude?

It is important to learn the following techniques: controlled and adequate reaction, more frequent, sincere smiles, calmness, constantly improve and work on yourself, looking at the example of sensitive and gentle women.

How can a girl become strong?

A woman should put herself first - this applies to caring for her body, self-development, and “pleasures for the soul.” You cannot “fall for the bait” of relationships where there is no freedom, and you cannot compare yourself with others - this suppresses the individual. It is important to learn to defend personal boundaries and opinions, not to allow yourself to be offended and hurt, to unquestioningly believe in yourself and your uniqueness, to adequately accept falls and losses.

Fighting qualities of a person?

These are the character traits of people that lead to success: absolute faith in victory, strong internal motivation, positive thinking, correct understanding of what is happening, risk-taking, constructive and clear ability to think, a combination of charisma and simplicity, clear knowledge of one’s desires.

How to stop being a good guy?

Stop suppressing your opinion in order to please everyone and please them. Say a firm “no”; those who give in are not respected. Show your character and that very “core” with restraint, do not tie your happiness and the meaning of life to people - be self-sufficient. Express fire and spontaneity, firmness and systematicity, justice and courage.

How to become smart?

Everyone has their own internal pace, but you can try. You need to form the habit of completing all tasks and assignments on time. Start planning your day, write a to-do list by the hour in your diary, and try to complete them. If you did it earlier, reward yourself. Listen to rhythmic music while you are doing something, imagine a trainer with a stopwatch in front of you. Do not listen to those who push or criticize - this creates fussiness, panic and only gets in the way.

How to become arrogant and punchy?

Having a proactive character will help you enjoy life better. How to do it: act with self-confidence and assertiveness, demonstrate emotions clearly and sincerely, position yourself in such a way that you are respected, participate in a friendly argument - this is the best rehearsal for persistently defending yourself, be mischievous and cheerful, joke, but do not forget about your goals, and even as a joke, persuade others to carry them out. Moderate causticity and wit are your friends.

How to learn to be proud?

Stop any self-domination and manipulation, accept and love yourself, teach others to respect you and your opinion, cultivate your personality - improve yourself, do not demonstrate your fears, be a little unpredictable.

How can guys become bold and beautiful?

The main condition is to act only as the inner ego tells you. Convey your needs, voice your wishes, don’t sacrifice interests and plans, enjoy life without giving up everything for someone. And, of course, you look perfect. Men fall at the feet of the one who makes them fight every minute.

How to become more decisive?

Determination is a strong desire to live life the way you want. Contain your inner fears and barriers, find the strength on your own or with a psychologist to eliminate childhood traumas that have become a prerequisite for indecision, do not doubt yourself, start small - start thinking with your own head, first making small decisions, based on your experience and desire, then - increasingly convincing yourself and those around you that you cannot be manipulated.

How to become more observant?

Important rules are to eliminate haste and overwork, stop trying to do several things at once, and constantly train.
Exercises to develop observation skills:
- constantly consider: people and their actions, and then compare your guesses with reality; street, each time snatching out new little things and reproducing them in memory; choose an object that you can see constantly;
- train your hearing - “guess” and characterize steps, noise, sounds, and vision - practice with eventful pictures, numbers and others, remembering their order and smallest features;
- Hone your stealthy surveillance skills by engaging all your senses.

How to become fragile?

You need to be able to be weak. A girl wearing sneakers and carrying heavy bags cannot be called fragile. If you want to appear like this, personalize your look using romantic dresses and heels, and elegant, gentle makeup. Don’t try to do everything alone – nailing a shelf or fixing a toilet; don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you can’t, go to a femininity course. Read beautiful “female” books, watch films with gentle heroines, take an example from them.

How to become a tough leader?

Read specialized literature, adopt experience, practice in order to have the following qualities: a strong focus on results, but not “walking on corpses”, fair uncompromisingness, harmony of determination and flexibility, a mixture of optimism and realism, not overwhelming authority, honesty, constructive thinking.

How to train character?

Analyze yourself - best sides strengthen, the worst - slowly eliminate. Train willpower and self-control. Learn not to be afraid of responsibility and take risks. Learn to adequately accept criticism and understand others. Eliminate bias and stereotypes from your life. Constantly be in motion towards your goal. Broaden your horizons and don't be afraid of difficulties.

How to become more eloquent?

Conclusion

Becoming tougher is not a matter of one day. But over time, it is quite possible to achieve this: you need to understand the goal, think through the means, hone fairly simple skills (in particular, the ability to refuse, voice your position, leave your comfort zone), and at the same time remain within the framework of humanity.

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The modern world is not for the good-natured. Kindness, generosity, politeness and courtesy are good qualities instilled in us from childhood. But they do not allow us to defend our interests, protect borders, achieve victories and be more attractive. How to become tougher in character and be confident?

“Living means: constantly throwing away from yourself that which wants to die; to live means to be cruel and merciless to everything that becomes weak and old in us, and not only in us.” Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Kindness, generosity, politeness and courtesy are what we were taught from childhood. But if you are kind to everyone, you will be considered soft-hearted and weak-willed. The modern world requires strengthening character and showing fangs when required.

Why should you be tougher?

Rigidity will allow you to defend your interests, principles and opinions. This is more important than it seems at first glance. By defending your interests, you provide yourself with the best conditions in this situation. You don't miss your opportunities and chances.

You will achieve your goal faster if you are tougher. Kind people often give way to others, allowing them to take their places and even take away what was rightfully yours. A tougher line of behavior allows you to wipe out your opponents yourself and achieve what you want.

How to look tougher?

If you want to change, you need to start with your appearance and demeanor. Strong and cruel people are easy to distinguish in a crowd. Their behavior and body language give them away. They look straight into the eyes and do not look away cowardly. They don't slouch or look stiff. A strong person behaves calmly, evenly and self-possessed. His voice is firm, loud and calm.

How to become tougher in character?

Start changing gradually. Start standing up for your interests at work and in life. Refuse people who try to shift their work to you. Say no to people who take advantage of you and try to ride on your neck.

Don't agree to help people right away, it may tie you up with obligations that you don't need. Say that you will give an answer later, when you have thought about it thoroughly. This will prevent you from rashly getting into unnecessary problems without the advice of an analysis. Don't become a victim and hostage to other people's problems. Focus on improving your life, not someone else's.

Be tougher and bolder in life. Defend your rights and interests. Don't be silent and don't be inactive. This is your life and no one will take care of you. Why do people who come from the countryside often achieve more than those from the city? They are tougher, rude and even arrogant at times. Go and take yours, and cowardly chew snot and don’t stand on the sidelines. In life, you have to push other people with your elbows if you want to achieve your goal, and not envy the winners. Only strong people achieve their goals and achieve their dreams.

Sport helps you become more confident, stronger and tougher. A strong body increases confidence, stamina and grit by new level. With the growth of physical strength, internal confidence is calculated.

As one hero of the film “Rock and Rolla Man” from director Guy Ritchie said: “No, I have no inclination towards cruelty, but sometimes nothing works out without it.”

It is impossible to become tougher in one day, but it is quite possible in a few months. Get out of your comfort zone, fight back against bullies, take yours and win girls. Be tougher in character and achieve victories, otherwise there’s no other way...

If you're one of the nice dudes who always walks away from conflict, this column is for you. Do people not appreciate your gentleness and think that this is a reason to neglect you? Do your friends and colleagues see you as a peacemaker who always smoothes out rough edges? Do they think you're the kind of person who won't rock the boat? Do you never say no? Perhaps today is the right day to change that.

Think about how you usually react when you are standing in line and someone jumps ahead of you. Or when someone comes to the bar later than you and, while you are patiently waiting for the bartender’s attention, manages to order a drink. You might say that such things don't bother you, but most likely it's just a way to save face. Admit it: such things are frankly infuriating - even if they mean practically nothing - it’s still stress, and stress is harmful to the body and mental balance.

Or do you constantly get to do something that no one wants to do - for example, organize a vacation, collect money from everyone for drinks for a party, or something like that. On the one hand, it is pleasant and responsible. On the other hand, they simply put on your shoulders what they themselves do not want to do. How are things going at work? If you want to occupy a high position, you, of course, must be able to work in a team, but at the same time have the ability to make decisions independently. Stop hesitating - take responsibility already!

It's nice to be known as a good guy, but if this image is created at the expense of your self-confidence, your health, your career plans, your interpersonal relationships, then you definitely need to change something. This is what we will talk about today. You can change behavior and people will change their attitude towards you. Here are some tips on how to stop being that person that everyone takes advantage of.

Know your purpose

Perhaps you don’t like being ignored, but you’re so used to it that you don’t even know how to change yourself, where to start. Work on a tougher attitude towards others, which will allow you to take back control of your rights and let people know that you cannot be rubbished.
You probably want people to respect you and stop taking advantage of you.
Do you want to change people’s attitude towards you and show that you are not weak, but confident and assertive.
Increase your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Strengthen your decision

Now you have realized your goals - it is time to implement them. To do this you need to take seven simple steps.

1. Learn to express your opinion

Listen to your instincts. When something bothers you, when something makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it right away. This behavior needs to be learned. If you missed the chance to do it right away, think about how to say it a little later in a personal conversation.

For example, explain to a colleague that you don’t like urgent deadlines that are communicated to you at the last minute. Tell your girlfriend that you don't like it when she tells everyone at the table about the details of your sex life. You need to clarify these points. Discuss these issues calmly, without accusations, and you will reduce tension and finally change the way others perceive you.

2. Stop agreeing

No matter how hard you try, you won't please everyone. When you constantly care about others' feelings and don't want to hurt anyone, it can go against your own desires. If something bothers you, go back to point 1.

If your friend constantly makes scandals over the slightest reason, and in order to calm her down, you simply apologize and agree with her, perhaps she is just as tired of this state of affairs as you are. Maybe she continues to find fault with you just so that you take a certain position - at least on some issue! Stand up for your opinion, express it and say “no” at least sometimes. If she wants to save your relationship, she will respect that much more than weak-willed agreement with everything.

3. Learn to recognize situations in which you don’t need to fight

There's no need to practice your newly acquired tenacity when you're driving with a crazy driver - you risk becoming a victim of normal driver rage. Don’t rush to say “no” to your boss: you could ruin your career. Talk with caution to mentally unstable people. In other cases, stop hiding from the conflict - you need to take the fight. If you have disagreements, resolve them. Talk about the little things that irritate you in a timely manner so that they do not develop into all-consuming problems.

4. Start small

It's easier to practice being tough on strangers, because family and friends first expect your usual non-conflict, meek, inexpressive behavior. Learn to manage your skills, and then use them on loved ones. Overcome your reluctance to think about your own needs in urgent situations. If your doctor prescribes you a ton of tests, ask yourself if all of them are really necessary. There is no need to immediately come to terms with a serious diagnosis and hang your nose, anticipating the worst-case scenario. Stop giving money to the beggar who is constantly on duty at your entrance: how much can you give? Just look him in the eyes and wish him a good day without feeling guilty.

5. Be tough

Usually, during acute situations, you try to maintain balance, not express yourself, and behave steadily. Instead, be clear about what you want, expect, and need. You're not yelling like a crazy person - you're just setting a new pattern of behavior, and people may find themselves disarmed because they don't expect it. If they try to persuade you, remembering that you are a weakling, do not give in to this emotional blackmail. If you don't express your opinions and desires, people will eventually not understand that they are doing anything wrong.

6. Be persistent

You won't change in one day. You will have to constantly remind yourself that you are working on yourself, that you have decided to change. People around you will probably notice that you are suddenly acting differently. In the end, you thought about it for a long time - you just didn’t voice these thoughts. Don’t let the embarrassment of others embarrass you, don’t deviate from your path. If your girlfriend is constantly late and you are tired of always waiting for her, let her understand that she should respect your time and somehow learn to plan hers. Remember that you are not only changing yourself, but also teaching people to treat themselves in a new way. It won't always be easy, but focus on the profit that awaits you - it's worth it.

7. Change your environment

And here is the most radical way: change your social circle, break off an unsuccessful relationship or find a new job. If you can't earn respect in one place because people already have an opinion about you, it's no good: people just can't handle it. new information, they don’t have the brains to rethink the changes taking place - perhaps not only with you. When you meet new people, act appropriately from the beginning. Now you understand the difference between a nice guy and a weakling - and you will build relationships with new people differently.

Cute guy for no reason

If you constantly accept self-disparagement, no one will take you seriously. You can still be a caring husband, an interesting friend, an interested participant in events, a good employee - but you will simply stop being a weakling. Just remember that you deserve to be appreciated, not used. If you are not appreciated, you are worthy of pity. Practice and you'll soon find that it becomes easier for you to express your feelings and that you will become more confident at work and in your personal life. Don't be surprised if people start to overestimate you - they might even be glad that you're no longer a weakling.