Who says nasty things. Why do people say nasty things

What it looks like: You are convinced that it was your imagination, that you have false memories of grievances, or that you are hallucinating. This is done in order to sow doubts about yourself. Then you will be a toy in the hands of a manipulator.

What to do: keep a diary, record oddities and visit a psychologist. When you catch a gaslighter in the act, leave. These people are not being treated.

PROJECTION

What it looks like: a person accuses you and others of what he himself is prone to. A liar is in a lie. Rude in nitpicking and so on. A person considers himself an innocent angel.

What to do: don’t listen, don’t express sympathy. Do not carry on conversations on these topics. In severe cases, leave the person.

MEANINGLESS TALK ABOUT NOTHING

What it looks like: You are being drawn into a conversation that is of no use. “But if all women were given the opportunity to kill children, what would the world look like?” The task is to make you a listener of narcissism.

What to do: just don’t participate. Exactly from the moment you stop understanding why you need this?

GENERALIZATIONS

What it looks like: key words “everything, always, all the time,” etc. “You’re always gloomy,” “all men are assholes,” “you’re constantly nervous.” Any particular case is elevated to a system.

What to do: Don't carry on the conversation. Ask the question: “What problem are we currently solving, specifically?” If there is no answer, leave the topic.

What it looks like: your words are twisted and brought to the point of absurdity. The phrase: “the cookies are burnt” is interpreted as “Oh, don’t you love your mother-in-law?”

What to do: You are expected to feel guilty. Don't take it. Leave the conversation, warning that you will not discuss fiction.

Nitpicking

What it looks like: You will never be good enough to be loved. Yes, the house is clean, but you come home from work late.

What to do: Have your own opinion. You won’t get approval here, no matter how much you jump for this carrot. Solution: “Don’t like it? Do it better, but do it yourself. I won’t strive for perfection.”

CHANGING THE TOPIC TO AVOID QUESTIONS

What it looks like: “It doesn’t matter now, you’d better think about this.”

What to do: “We either discuss it or we don’t discuss anything. It is important".

HIDDEN THREATS

What it looks like: “You understand how this will end for you?”

What to do: “No, tell me straight.” If they avoid a direct answer, voice it yourself: “You will stop giving money to the children, did I understand correctly? Ok, I’ll take this into account right now and take action.”

ABUSE AND CALLING

What it looks like: they insult you with the last words so that you become confused.

What to do: “I will not allow you to communicate with me in this tone,” and immediately interrupt the conversation. Leave the house, hang up, interrupt decisively.

TOXIC DISAPPOINTMENT

What it looks like: they gradually explain to you that you are worthless, your merits are ridiculous, and your only use is to serve a toxic person. “Well, at least you can cook, but you’re no singer.”

What to do: Break off the relationship at the first attempt to devalue you. There is no cure for this, the poison will be injected into you drop by drop for many weeks until you feel like a complete insignificance.

LIES AND GOSSIP ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK

What it looks like: There will be no direct conflict. It’s just that people will gradually start to shun you, having heard enough gossip.

What to do: find out the source. “Who said that about me? - Mmm, everyone says. — In chorus? Who said it first? Why doesn't he say this to my face? Then openly bring the gossiper out into the open, with noise, publicity and public exposure. This is exactly what they are afraid of.

LOVE AND SHARP DISAPPOINTMENT

What it looks like: people surround you with adoration, only to then begin to sharply criticize you when you are in seventh heaven. Such a difference breaks your self-esteem and you try to curry favor with someone you adored.

What to do: Ask the person about his past relationships and colleagues. If you hear something like “they are complete nonentities”, do not believe any praise from this person anymore.

"YOU CAN TRUST ME"

What it looks like: they actively tell you how good the person in front of you is, how you can rely on him and in general.

What to do: don’t believe words. Believe in things. Make inquiries about him. Self-praise is generally an alarm bell. To good people Usually there is no need to make self-presentations, they already know that they are good.

THIRD WHEEL

What it looks like: they tell you that you are bad and add a third-party argument to strengthen it. “My sister thinks so too.”

What to do: don’t believe it. They are lying to you or a third person has been turned against you. Then talk to the third person in private, and explain to the manipulator that you cannot be overwhelmed by a mass of opinions. “What do YOU ​​want from me, not my sister?”

INNOCENT BATTLE THAT HUMILIATES YOU

What it looks like: they say nasty things to you, as if jokingly and laughing. The goal is to make you insecure.

What to do: Don't rush to answer immediately. Think for a few seconds, and then clearly state that you never want to hear that about yourself again. Leave the conversation if this happens again.

FALSE APOLOGIES AND PROMISES

What it looks like: they repent to you and ask you to forgive.

What to do: believe not in words, but in deeds. Do not forgive until you are sure that the person has actively stopped doing what he apologized for.

CAUSIC JOKES, OPEN AGGRESSION

What it looks like: they laugh at you evilly and with pleasure.

What to do: respond with icy aggression, without raising your voice too much, but in a threatening manner, and prohibit such behavior. If there is no reaction, leave.

CONDENSING JOKES

What it looks like: It's like you're being tapped on the shoulder.

What to do: “What makes you think you have the right to talk to me like that, huh? Come to your senses, you are not my parent."

SHAMING

What it looks like: You are reminded of past mistakes or sins to make you guilty and obedient.

What to do: Don’t be open with people you suspect of being toxic. Stop such attempts firmly: “This is only my business, not yours.”

CONTROL

What it looks like: They ask you to account for your expenses, your time, your friends and your feelings, etc.

What to do: noticing a trend, raise the question as harshly as possible: “Why do you consider yourself to have the right to demand an account from me for this? I’m an adult, and I can handle it on my own, without control.”

We hope that as you study them in more detail, you will begin to understand much better who is who in the world around you

“A blow to the nose is direct, obvious, and heals quickly. But a blow to your self-esteem in the right way and at the right time can cripple you to death."
~ Jay Carter, Ph.D.

We have all encountered people who are trying to somehow mock us, humiliate us and destroy our self-esteem. And it doesn’t really matter where you encounter them - at work, at home, or among your friends. There will certainly be at least one person around us who treats us much worse than we deserve.

And the worst thing is that they lower our assessment in such subtle and unobvious ways that other people may not always notice it. And if we try to explain how we feel, our tormentors will easily change everything in their own way, making us overly sensitive, selfish and prone to snap judgments, turning us from victims into offenders.

I hope that as you study them in more detail, you will begin to understand much better who is who in the world around you:

1. They make you insecure

One of the methods of vile people is to constantly keep you insecure. You never know when they will explode into hysterics or do something that will piss you off.

For example, it may seem to you that you have reached mutual understanding, you have common topics for fun, and you basically started to trust this person. And so, when everything has been going this way for some time, suddenly the vile person does something that undoes everything that happened before and again plunges you into a state of uncertainty and uncertainty.

You never know exactly how to feel about this person, so you create emotional crutches for yourself by convincing yourself that you still like him.

2. They like to project their feelings onto you.

The projection of feelings can be explained very simply: this is when a person takes his feelings as a basis, but places responsibility for them on you. For example, a person who doesn't like you might tell you, "I don't think you like me."

They frame you in their projection, forcing you to explain and justify yourself to them. And instead of thinking about the intentions of vile people, you begin to doubt your own feelings.

3. They often try to manipulate you

Manipulators strive for power. Nasty people want to feel superior to you, and often make you feel like you owe them something. This behavior is often found among politicians and managers.

For example, if you are asked to work overtime and you already have plans for that evening, your boss may try to convince you that work is more important than your plans.

And if you remind him of those evenings that you worked overtime earlier, he will most likely try to turn everything in such a way that, allegedly, you volunteered for them yourself, or were working off some kind of “service” for your boss.

4. They always try to force their opinions on others.

Nasty people like to label people around them and then act as if everyone agrees with them. For example, by saying “you are irresponsible,” this person takes it for granted that you are just such a person, and everyone around him will agree with this characteristic.

Nasty people label you because they are subconsciously trying to crush your self-esteem into tiny pieces instead of helping you cope with the real problem (if there is one). To help solve a problem means to take on part of the responsibility, and vile people are not ready to do this.

5. Even when they tell the truth, they generalize and exaggerate it.

Beware of generalizations. Nasty people often use generalizations to make mountains out of molehills. For example, if you forgot to clean your apartment, the nasty person might say, “You never help me” (translation: You forgot to clean your apartment), or “You are no use” (translation: You forgot to clean your apartment).

Once again, instead of addressing the real problem, they attack your self-esteem. The problem is that the apartment is dirty, not that you are unhelpful or unhelpful.

6. They strike on the sly

“I don’t want to upset you, but...” (Most likely, you will be upset about something now). “I don’t want to interrupt you, but...” (But I already interrupted!).

As a rule, nasty people who are going to attack you on the sly will speak in a soft, sympathetic voice. You can see sympathy on their faces. They may seem like the nicest people, except that they hold a dagger in their other hand behind their back.

7. They put double meanings into words

Double meanings usually appear in phrases where the words say one thing but the tone says something completely different. For example, nasty people may ask you in a mocking tone: “How are you?” And if you answer, as you most likely want to, “Get out!”, the vile person with a clear conscience will tell everyone he knows what you have today Bad mood, and you throw yourself at everyone, but he just asked how you were doing.

Vile people are great masters at composing double-bottom phrases. They may even seem harmless to observers, but you immediately feel how they hit the target.

8. They love to interrupt conversations.

Another valuable tool of a vile person is to cut off a conversation mid-sentence. If he asks you to tell you something about yourself, you can be sure that he will cut you off before you finish answering.

And their questions are often tricky. If you are asked something like “Have you stopped drinking cognac in the morning?”, know that there is simply no correct answer to this question. A nasty person may even cut off a conversation with you in the middle, leaving you alone with a bunch of unspoken thoughts.

9. They take you to the top and then cut off your wings

But when you really need help, the vile person will gently and unobtrusively turn your attention to your own negative traits. So he can chop off your wings to amuse you enough own feeling superiority and give you confidence that you need it.

10. They use the “double drag” on you.

“Double nonsense” is the most vile of all their methods, because with it you will harm yourself both if you agree with them and if you resist. For example, if you enroll in courses to improve self-esteem, your “other half” may begin to envy you or believe that your increased self-esteem threatens them in some way. And in the end you are faced with an ultimatum: “Either me or your courses.”

Of course, you are not going to give up your established personal relationships for the sake of courses - but by doing so, you are depriving yourself of the slightest chance to make the slightest positive changes in your own life.

How to avoid the influence of vile people

Now that you've learned about 10 ways nasty people ruin your life, you'll not only have a much better idea of ​​how to counter them, but you'll also have a better understanding of the nasty people themselves and their intentions.

No wonder they say that knowledge is power. And even if we can't avoid some people in our lives, we can at least avoid their pitfalls.

And all that is needed for this is to pay more attention to the behavior of the people around us, and behave with them more confidently and assertively.

Sometimes words come out of the mouths of loving spouses, parents and children, brothers and sisters that they could not say to strangers. For some reason, in some situations, those closest to you and family get more nasty things than your colleagues and friends.

Hope for forgiveness

A person can be affected Negative influence many factors. Life's troubles, problems at work, conflicts with friends make them more and more irritable throughout the day. And in the evening, when fatigue is added to the stress, the individual lashes out at those who seem to need to be nurtured and cherished - family and friends.

Some husbands and wives, without hesitation, say nasty things to their beloved ones because they are sure that they will definitely forgive them in the future. There is no direct calculation here. But in the subconscious of the spouse there may be a belief that in any case their hysteria will pass with almost impunity.

Such people know that they are loved and take advantage of it. At some point, they may cross the line and irrevocably ruin their relationship with a loved one.

But while there is still patience, love and the desire to be a family, quarrels, insults and squabbles can continue.

High requirements

Sometimes people throw out a lot of negativity on their loved ones because they place excessive demands on them. Instead of accepting a loved one for who he is, such individuals strive to remake him and create an ideal.

In such cases, people react too sharply to the shortcomings and mistakes of their loved ones, become indignant very violently and cannot cope with their own emotions. Therefore, people are ready to forgive friends, colleagues and acquaintances a lot.

If individuals who are not so close do not behave as expected of them, this does not cause the same reaction as the misconduct of a loved one.

A reason to lose your temper

Unfortunately, some individuals take advantage of loved ones when they cannot fight back against other people. For example, a person is enraged by the behavior of his boss. Management is nagging, demands too much and treats subordinates incorrectly. Instead of fighting back against the boss, whom he fears for several reasons, the individual goes home and lashes out at his loved ones.

It happens that a person holds back in front of strangers. He cannot cause a scandal in a store or some institution if he is treated unfairly. But when he comes home, he lashes out at his family and completely unfairly offends them.

In such situations, family and friends became not just the last straw at the end of an overall unsuccessful day. They are the real victims. They come off as a person who is afraid to express the same thing to those who have power over him.

Help me... people often say nasty things to me, but I don’t know how to respond and I get into a stupor, I understand that I need to say something, but I don’t know... they bully me because of this... what should I do? do??? Thank you...

A person who speaks nasty things has a low soul. Respond kindly to nasty things, believe me, this is better than the wisest rebuff. It is precisely kindness that evil fears.

They don’t take offense at fools, so say so...or you need to make sure that everyone respects you..but some individuals do not understand the words..so spanking is only suitable for them.

You must not pay attention to these nasty things, then there will be no point in telling you this nasty thing. And not only externally, most importantly - internally. Remember, no one can offend us unless we allow it.

Laugh mysteriously

No need to say anything. Stupor is the best solution. You show them that you are above their petty interests. Don't organize a bazaar! You are just so well-mannered and noble.
And there is another way of Aikido. They say to you, for example: “What are you staring at?” And you just said: “Staring” Or: “Where are you going?” And you: “Bullshit.” that is, to use the force of the opponent's blow.
And also imagine yourself under a golden transparent cap, from the walls of which everything bad returns to the sender, but in a good, modified form. The latter always helps me. For serious showdowns, I surround myself with such a dome.

Hello, if, in your opinion, these people are jealous of you or say nasty things about you for no reason, then there are several options:
1. Ignore.
2. Answer that it is not for this person to judge: “Do not judge and you will not be judged.”
3. Ask why this person decided this way.
And under no circumstances should you stoop to this person’s level and insult him. People tend to envy, make rash actions and make quick conclusions, but you are also able to think and understand whether these people are right or wrong. We cannot be 100% sure that you are not the instigator of the conflict. So, think first, and then answer. Good luck and believe in yourself.

When they say unpleasant things to me, I say to myself: “So what?” Yes, I won’t hide my shame. “Maybe this person just said it out of emotion, he was boiling, he needs to talk it out. Maybe he’s going through a bad streak in his life,” and I’ll forget. Or “He’s probably annoyed that you’re doing something better than him.” If I notice that someone doesn’t like something about me (my behavior), I try to change.

You shouldn't pay attention to such people at all. And so, I think you need to work on yourself, learn to respond to people. But not disgustingly disgusting. You need to answer in a way that they don't expect to hear. Something like: “Yes, I am such a person. Why are you better than me?”

You see a question that one of the site users asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

The answers are either people very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from “similar” people and learn from “very different” people what you don’t yet know or haven’t tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

Trampling in the mud

Since those who trample into the mud are smaller than others, it is best to communicate with them calmly and good-naturedly. By using calm questions, refrain from raising your voice or making arrogant remarks: this makes people defensive and more brash.

This method is similar to a small exam, the purpose of which is to find out what exactly irritates a person. Adhering to a thorough, non-aggressive tone, you will notice how surprisingly the toxic behavior of the Trample in the dirt changes, how he becomes calmer, softer, how he smiles when he manages to get to the bottom of the truth.

Most often, people put you down when you have something they don't have, or when your behavior offends them in some way. In most cases, they feel uncomfortable around you. Therefore, a compassionate approach that will make it easier for you to communicate with them is no less successful.

Chatterbox

When communicating with a Chatterbox, a way to relieve tension is indispensable. It will help you keep your cool. Try the method of substituted fantasy. Chatterboxes should know that their endless chatter is usually inappropriate, so the method of open protest will also be effective. It is best to resort to it without outside witnesses, because the Chatterbox will have to save the situation in order to maintain his dignity.

You can start by kindly and gently assuring Chatterbox how much you love him (if that is the case), but that sometimes he talks too much about things that are not interesting to everyone. Teach Chatterbox to look closely at the facial expressions and postures of others to understand their level of interest. At first, Chatterbox may be shocked, and this will cause him to react defensively. If so, you'll have to be more forthcoming and give examples of his tiresome chatter. But do not forget to assure that you still understand and love him.

Invite him to remember that a certain gesture - raising his eyebrows, touching - can serve as a signal for him to turn the conversation around. Often defensive reactions and fear are caused by the inability to master basic communication skills and understand the facial and body language of others.

If the Chatterbox is impenetrable or continues to use your time and energy, you should be firm, using the method of open protest, and not allow him to cross the boundaries of what is permitted.

Consumer

When communicating with the Consumer, open protest is one of the ways out. This method allows you to make it clear that you feel used and offended. In some cases, resistance on your part causes the Consumer to experience remorse for his nasty behavior. If the Consumer cares about your friendship and respect, he may look at himself and your reactions differently. If you manage to remain calm, the method of open protest will allow you to start a dialogue that will help restore the damaged relationship. If you feel that they are trying to manipulate you, to use you in this situation, say directly and firmly: “No, it won’t do. I won’t allow anyone to treat me like that, I don’t like it.”

Another option is to walk away and no longer give the consumer the opportunity to take advantage of you.

Evil Upstart Tyrant

Very often these dictators, when fought with the same weapons, feel both amazement and disgust at their behavior. In essence, by rebuffing their anger, you can once and for all protect yourself from such attacks. By shouting louder than them, you will regain your courage.

In addition, in dealing with an Upstart Tyrant, the method of scandal is suitable. Don't let him torture you with his "quirks" and enjoy your humiliation. On the contrary, act boldly and calmly. If you put him in his place, the Upstart might even respect you. Don't give him the pleasure of seeing your fear.

Your tyrant boss will also feel respect for you, although he may explode even more. You will win either way: even if he unleashes his fury on you, at least you will maintain your dignity. Another option is to get away from the Upstart Tyrant and stay as far away from him as possible. A humorous way will also help. There are many known cases when good-natured humor saved the situation and the tyrant’s ardor faded away.

Joker

The method of open protest immediately makes it clear to the Joker that you do not consider him witty and do not intend to be the object of vile jokes and stories.

It is necessary to maintain a firm tone to silence him. Don’t be afraid to talk to the Joker in this way, because he doesn’t understand in a good way. When the Joker makes a poisonous joke at you and makes excuses by saying that he was “just fooling around,” or tries to provoke you with the remark: “Don’t you understand jokes?” - Put it back in place immediately. Tell him that you understand the jokes, but you don't find anything funny in what he said. Don't worry about offending him or hurting his feelings. In the end, this person doesn't really care about your feelings.

Because the Joker builds a wall of jokes in front of him to protect his frail self-esteem, you may not be able to break his abusive behavior. The joker may simply give up on you and continue in the same spirit. In this case, turn to the scandal method. Also remind the Joker, by way of open protest, that the current plight of the world will quickly put an end to his jokes, especially if they are dangerous in terms of norms of interracial or sexual behavior.

Ignorant

When communicating with the Ignorant, a variety of methods are at your disposal. What you choose depends on how stubborn or stupid the Ignorant is. Start with a way to relieve tension if your opponent seems so unbearable to you that you can only hold your anger by holding your breath.

It is usually not enough to take out your anger on the Ignorant. Therefore, you can influence him using the method of open protest, explaining, like a small child, that his actions are completely inappropriate.

Madman

The best ways to deal with Mad Men are to relieve stress and ask calm questions. The calmer you are, the less you provoke the Madman and the easier it will be for you to communicate.

Ultimately, you can always move on from Crazy People and do more enjoyable things because without professional help, they will never be able to change their difficult behavior. Do everything in your power to send such a person to a doctor, and if that fails, save yourself. Even if you are beside yourself and ready to strangle someone who does nasty things to you, always suppress your aggressive impulses and do not do anything that can ruin your future and put your life in danger.

When faced with Mad Men, never try to take matters into your own hands, but try to find legal avenues. Then, no matter how painful it may be, tell yourself, “I won’t think about it,” to deal with the bitterness in your heart created by the Madman.

Shameless liar

The best way to deal with a Shameless Liar is to ask calm questions. If, suspecting him of lying, you begin to pour out questions, the Liar will eventually be driven into a corner and appear in an open form.

Then comes the turn of a method of open protest, which makes the Liar understand that you have seen through him, just as some Liars hide the truth only in order to amaze you. You might want to help them save their face, even though you know they're lying. Adopt a method of relieving tension, and let the Liar weave whatever he wants. And if he wants to impress you with harmless inventions, use a humorous method. A slight grin on your face often shows the Liar that you are aware of the true state of affairs, but are not inclined to humiliate him.

Dirty dog

The nasty person should make it clear clearly that his nasty behavior is not at all welcome and looks disgusting. The method of scandal, and then the method of retreat, will best explain to this type of mischief your attitude towards him.

You should not be polite and friendly with Dirty People, as this, as a rule, does not impress them. These manipulators are too dangerous, so after giving them a hard time, leave immediately! Don't let Dirty People into your life.

Miser

Hoarders are a classic type of harmful creatures, because they have unusually low self-esteem. The method of calm questions can help you in communicating with a Curmudgeon. By asking certain questions, you will let him know how unpleasant stinginess is. The Cheapskate will likely be embarrassed to hear your point of view. And the answers will shed light on his hidden fears, which will make you more understanding and patient towards your opponent, even if he behaves unworthily.

Another way is the method of open protest. The necessary conditions- compassion and understanding, therefore, when communicating with Hoarders, maintain a friendly tone. The way of love and kindness will best demonstrate your empathy.

Narcissus

The narcissist is unable to talk about anything unless it has something to do with himself. The best way to communicate with him is through the method of love and kindness, since Narcissus is selfish and self-absorbed solely because of deep fears, insecurities and complexes. Understanding this will help you better understand the Narcissist's problems and interact more successfully with him. The narcissist does not strive to be selfish at all costs; he is this way due to low self-esteem. The narcissist does not know how to give something to others because he is too exhausted, worthless and busy with his own problems.

If his self-absorption is wearing on your patience, a stress reliever will calm you down and help you continue communicating. If the Narcissist's selfishness and insecurities affect you, you must speak up about it using open protest. However, maintain a calm, reserved tone, otherwise they will not listen to you. If you begin to blame him and say barbs, the Narcissist will become defensive, scolding you and denying that he is self-centered. His "I" is usually fragile, like an eggshell.

If you notice that the Narcissist communicates with you only when it is convenient for him, does not pay attention to your words, and turns all conversations on himself, you may ask why he chose you. You can take your leave and leave Narcissus. Most people who encounter a Narcissist end up choosing to retreat as there comes a point where their patience wears thin. After you stop communicating with a Narcissist, it will help to think: “I won't think about it” when you suddenly think about him, and a humorous way that will show the absurdity of his behavior.

Suck up

Even though the Slickers are unscrupulous manipulators, you don’t have the courage to blame them for everything, because deep down you still believe that at least a little of what they say is true. When the sugary flattery starts to overflow, a stress reliever can help you cope with unpleasant emotions. If this is not enough to overcome hostility, use a humorous method to stop the Slicker's efforts to please you.

You can smile and good-naturedly say: “Come on, continue, am I really what you say? You probably need something from me.” This combination of humor and open protest can cause an outburst of denial, followed by other hilarious remarks like “If you don’t stop talking in that honeyed voice, I’m going to get diabetes,” or “Are you pouring that sweet syrup on me to look at me?” , how will the ants surround me?", or "Aren't you tired of it yet?" Show them that you see right through their sycophantic “things.” If you can't stand the Sneaking and their flattery anymore, try the mirror method. Speak to them the same way they do, imitating their sweet voice. Usually they guess what's going on.

Self-righteous despot

When faced with a Smug Despot, immediately show him using calm questions how unpleasant and boring he is to you.

If, on the other hand, the Self-righteous Despot takes an unapproachable position and you find it dangerous to use the mirror method, choose the substitute fantasy method so that you can spend time with the Despot without harming yourself.

Arrogant snob

When Arrogant Snobs start singing their favorite song, "I'm Better Than You," the method of calm questioning works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like “who told you that you are better than the rest?” or “why wouldn’t you talk to such a person?” usually they are knocked off their arrogance, since they do not know how to respond to this.

It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your Attacks. If you find that you have suffered enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, leave them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they are better than you don't deserve attention.

Competitor

Nowadays, women often succeed more than their male friends, and some insecure representatives of the stronger sex cannot accept this. Although many of these men consider themselves highly evolved and progressive people, they, like fossils, are unable to shake off the youthful belief that boys should be bigger, better, stronger and smarter than girls.

Mentor

The mentor - a little despot - simply cannot live without playing the role of first violin. But while children can still be raised, adults with their established beliefs and values ​​only experience irritation and humiliation when someone tries to control them.

Don't let the Mentor down. Explain that you are not concerned with his desire to manage everything, but attempts to manage you are annoying. At the first suspicion of such behavior, you need to use the method of open protest. The mirror method also works wonders, making the Mentor wary, for he instantly boils over at the slightest attempt to control him. The mentor clearly cannot stand being treated the way he treats others. Remember that if you persistently imitate him, he may not remain in debt and fly into a frenzy. However, having experienced first-hand what it is like to be taught what, how and when to do, he will stop trying to tell you.

Ruthless Mentors also deserve a way to scandal. Turn on your heels, tighten your stomach and loudly declare that you will no longer tolerate being controlled and told what to do, because you are a reasonable adult who is fully capable of making your own decisions. A little rudeness will show this person how angry you are capable of. If nothing helps and the Mentor continues to control you, causing anxiety and grief, you will have to retreat. Otherwise, rest assured: you will stop being yourself and forget how to think for yourself.

Suspicious skeptic

Be as patient as possible. The stress relief method will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you decide to support the naysayers using the method of love and kindness, you may make good friends and allies.

If these people get on your nerves too much, you will have to retreat just as in the case of other Harmful Creatures who take a lot of your energy. Leave them in the care of psychologists!

Harmful people at work

Like neighbors, employees are not chosen - unless you are the head of a company. But the current situation in the financial world sometimes does not allow even bosses to choose their employees and clients at will.

In our turbulent times, an employee must have the skills to communicate with all types of harmful people in order not to lose his job. In the workplace, learning to deal with difficult individuals is truly a matter of survival. Stress Relief: “I won’t think about it” and vicarious fantasy can be your closest allies at work.

Harmful bosses. Bosses are bosses, they are the first fiddle, so whether you respect them or not is a secondary issue if you want to keep your job and make a living. The main thing for you is to learn to deal adequately with them and deal with your own anger. Harmful people in positions of power tend to be Angry Upstart Tyrants, Blaming Critics, Mentors, Consumers, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses and Curmudgeons, or variations thereof.

If you value your job, other methods may be risky. You can't put your bosses on the defensive and make them look bad because it's always up to them and there's nothing you can do about it - so express your anger in a more acceptable way.

If your work is not of great value to you, take a risk and use the methods of open protest, calm questions, mirrors or scandal. After all, is it worth holding on to your job if anxiety and stress are threatening your health? Leave if you can. We don't need to be victims anymore. Now there is an opportunity to raise our voice, leave or go to the appropriate authorities that will help us sort things out.

Harmful employees. A harmful employee may appear in the guise of a Competitor, a Trample in the Mud, a Smiling Two-Faced Janus, a Gossip, a Dirty Man, or an Instigator. Although the work environment is very different from home, many people tend to look at the boss as a parent and see employees as brothers and sisters. As a result, they are often carried over into the work environment.

The most effective methods for dealing with harmful employees are methods of relieving tension and calm questions. Never lose your composure and don’t break into a scandal. Verbal violence at work is unacceptable under any form! Whatever the situation, you must behave as a professional and cultured person. If you are too provoked into a quarrel, use the method of open protest with both the harmful employee and the boss, directly telling the latter what happened. Let the difficult colleague know that you understand what's what and are not going to follow his lead, but will go to the higher authorities - to the boss - for fairness and justice.

Harmful subordinates. Some subordinates are so jealous of their superiors that they take on the role of the Gossip, the Dormant But Deadly Volcano, the Instigator, the Suck-Up, the Smug Despot, or the Suspicious Skeptic. Subordinates should behave correctly with their boss, at least because of their position, while the boss should respect his subordinates, while occupying a position of authority. A boss who is dissatisfied with a subordinate must always remain calm, never give in to anger and not use the method of scandal. When dealing with harmful subordinates, it is necessary to master the methods of open protest and calm questions.

Harmful professionals. There are harmful government officials and harmful professionals: doctors, lawyers, businessmen, politicians and even psychologists. No matter how educated these people are, no matter how successful they are at school, subsequently in medical institute, advocacy and successful completion all exams, this does not give them the right to consider themselves superior to others and insult them.

Too often, professionals hide behind their titles and degrees to make them feel bigger and more powerful. Too often they manifest their toxic behavior as Evil Upstart Tyrants, Fatal Fighters, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses, Trampers in the Mud, Narcissists, Arrogant Snobs, Mentors or Suspicious Skeptics.

Such harmful professionals need to be put in their place. Their task is to help and support. And it doesn’t matter how famous these doctors and lawyers are or how many articles have been written about them, first of all they are obliged to help you. You pay them money, you need their services, so don't be afraid of them. You have every right to ask them questions and expect to be treated politely. It is best to use the method of calm questions when communicating with harmful professionals. Keyword- calmness. After all, they are also sensitive creatures and are often offended if your voice sounds like a pretension. They will become defensive, talking down to you or being rude. Therefore, when communicating with them, it is extremely necessary to monitor your intonations.

Maintain a calm and polite tone, loud enough but not harsh or shouty. If, despite your polite manners, their tone leaves much to be desired, use the method of open protest and say calmly but firmly that you prefer to be treated more politely and will not tolerate humiliation.

Harmful staff. Harmful people from the service staff can manifest themselves as Arrogant Snobs, Smug Despots, Consumers, Evil Upstart Tyrants, Chatterboxes, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses or Slickers. Perhaps many salespeople today are rude and unkind because they are jealous of your ability to buy something they cannot afford themselves. They would gladly be in your place - the place of the buyer, not the seller.

Whatever makes such people toxic, you should not suffer from it. Now you have the opportunity to get out of unpleasant situations with dignity. Open protest must be applied to harmful members of the service staff. If it doesn’t help, try the mirror method, and if that doesn’t work either, don’t accept their help at all. It is better to use the method of scandal and retreat - leave and do not pay for services not provided.

You have a choice

From all sides our lives are poisoned by harmful people. They seep into our daily affairs from everywhere. But stop running and hiding. If the image of a harmful person applies to someone you know and you understand what it is about him that repels you, perhaps this understanding alone will be enough. In fact, to understand everything means to forgive, and you will no longer have to accumulate unpleasant feelings within yourself.